I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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