There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
