Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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