your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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