Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
