I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
