There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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