My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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