HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
