just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
