And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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