I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
