just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
