go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
