She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
