We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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