We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
