This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
