if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
