Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize