I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Everyone says I win the strip club
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
