haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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