either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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