Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
