omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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