What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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