its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
