thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
