Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
