I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
