You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
