I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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