it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
