Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
