You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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