Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
