New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
