I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
