Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
