Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
