i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hippo gnu deer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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