He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
