are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
