It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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