Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
