While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
