Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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