Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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