she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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