Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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