I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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