dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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