You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize