the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
