I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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