Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize