Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
