He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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