Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
