Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
