dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize