glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
