Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
