I wish you could order shots online.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
