Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
