Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
handjob tips. give me some.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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