My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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