Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
