people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
